(This week... I have changed the names in this blog to protect myself from any possible litigation... and any hit-men!)
The conversation went something like this...
My Friend... Hey Steven Rafter – how are you?
Myself... Hey Dan, I have not seen u for so long – how are you?
My Friend... Yeah, all good... but are you ok?
Myself... Yeah of course... why?
My Friend... Well, u have lost so much weight and u look tired...
Myself... Thanks Dan...
Meeting up with my mate Dan on Collins Street on Monday was the catalyst for my ‘shock of the week’. I have not seen him (or his wife, Claire) for almost two years. They got married in Sydney and moved to the USA for twelve months. Through one way or another, we had lost contact... that is until now!
Dan is a psychologist and his wife is a lawyer. I originally met them at a function at the National Gallery of Victoria in 2006. They are certainly an interesting couple. Every time I have gone to dinner with them I have always felt like a ping pong ball at full speed... at a finals tournament somewhere in the Chinese Capital – being belted back and forward between them as they vie for what is more ‘just’... the parameters of the law (in Claire’s case) or, the open ended wonderment of the mind (Dan’s world).
The only problem I have with this is they always appear to be in ‘help’ mode with me. (re: initial catch up conversation above). This has never been at my behest. It has been at their own undertaking... BUT... I must write... I appreciate their words because they are good people who care... they are my friends.
Dan went on to say that he had heard about ‘209 A Story’ (through a mutual friend) and ‘they’ were so pleased to hear that I was ‘finally’ being published. When I said goodbye, Dan suggested that we catch up for dinner later in the week. I proudly told him that I was working in the afternoons... at my new job. He said he would send me an email...
As good as his word, I arrived home that night to find an email from Dan (and Claire)... They were both full of praise for the blog and for the impending launch of ‘209 A Story’. However, they both wrote of their ‘concern’... Dan- because he thought I was ‘overwhelmed’ with everything... and Claire – because of what Dan had told her.
Obviously, I had looked far worse than I thought! My mirror was lying to me...
I declined their offer to dinner on Friday night but I thanked ‘them’ for their kind words. Also, in the return email, I sent my new mobile number and wrote that I was happy to catch up early next week.
The following morning my phone rang... it was Dan. As the conversation went on (with Claire grabbing the phone several times) I suddenly felt as though I was sitting in his rooms and being analysed for everything I said. I had made comment about my new job, my fantastic social life, the excitement of learning more and more about the world of publishing... and finally, about someone who had really disturbed me... side note ...(See, I come from a world where I have rarely found people to be unkind. I was bought up with a philosophy of treating people how you wish to be treated. I try and see the very best in everyone. I find this attitude to life makes me very happy on a daily basis. I can count on one hand the number of people who have rocked my world to the extent, where I would lose sleep, churn their association with me over and over in my mind and in some instances... do completely irrational things. I have found it once in a former boss, once in a relationship ‘thing’, once in a school buddy and once in a work colleague... I am not going to say which one this particular person was, but I will say that we were involved in a situation where we had each other’s phone numbers, knew each other’s addresses and all that type of thing.)
I continued talking with Dan (and Claire) on the phone.
The conversation went like this...
My Friend...
Myself... Thank you, Dan.
My Friend... But, I do think you should make a list of how you feel about that person, really look at it... acknowledge it... deal with it... and move on.
Myself... Thank you Dan...
My Friend... Write it in an email and send it to me. You, Claire and I can talk about it when we catch up next week.
Myself... Thank you Dan... No, I really am fine!
The following day – I cannot work out what unsettled me more... the knowledge that this person was continuing to upset me so much OR that I was talking to a psychologist about it! All the while, in the back of my mind, I was wondering what I would write if I did as he suggested... and if I did so... would it actually work... ie ‘really look at it... acknowledge it... deal with it... and move on.’
Arriving home late that night, (almost midnight)... I opened a word document and started typing...
Arriving home late that night, (almost midnight)... I opened a word document and started typing...
I opened a flood gate!
The contents of my mind and heart poured out and into my computer page... about everything! All the things that had disturbed me regarding this person. Holy Nelly... it went on for pages! I wrote down everything that was horrible about the situation in which I found myself. I wrote of why I was so disturbed and why I was so incredibly sad. I even wrote my own evaluation of that person and how they had to work out their own life. That they really did not give a crap about what I thought. I wrote about how destructive it was to the people who cared about them. It went on and on and on and on... Inevitably, it did answer my question... it ended with a realisation that (in my own mind if I was to move on with it) - I would need to hand their part of the problem back to them and they needed to deal with it and live with it; regardless what they think of me now. The way they treated me was so unacceptable, I had allowed it to happen because of who I am and for that I take accountibility.
I must admit, by the end of my thesis... I felt much better.
So... I thought further about what Dan had suggested to me. Instead of sending the entire document (because I had visions of being stuck for 2 weeks with them discussing every point I wrote...) I abridged the pages into a couple of paragraphs – cut and pasted it into an email to Dan (and Clarie)... I hit ‘send’.
In that instant my entire world fell in on me...
I was trembling when I went to my ‘sent items’ and saw that I had actually sent the email to the person about whom I was writing and NOT AT ALL to Dan (and Claire)! Embarrassment commenced to boil in my toes and travelled upwards until my head hurt so much that I thought I was going to pass out with what I had just done!!!
As I lay in bed early that morning unable to sleep, I realised that even though I never wanted to open my email again... I had actually done what Dan had suggested... I wrote it down... I really looked at it... I acknowledged it... I dealt with it... and now... I HAVE MOVED ON.
Have a good week everyone,
Cheers
Steven
So... I thought further about what Dan had suggested to me. Instead of sending the entire document (because I had visions of being stuck for 2 weeks with them discussing every point I wrote...) I abridged the pages into a couple of paragraphs – cut and pasted it into an email to Dan (and Clarie)... I hit ‘send’.
In that instant my entire world fell in on me...
I was trembling when I went to my ‘sent items’ and saw that I had actually sent the email to the person about whom I was writing and NOT AT ALL to Dan (and Claire)! Embarrassment commenced to boil in my toes and travelled upwards until my head hurt so much that I thought I was going to pass out with what I had just done!!!
As I lay in bed early that morning unable to sleep, I realised that even though I never wanted to open my email again... I had actually done what Dan had suggested... I wrote it down... I really looked at it... I acknowledged it... I dealt with it... and now... I HAVE MOVED ON.
Have a good week everyone,
Cheers
Steven
